Not trailing, but travelling together.

In the time I've been blogging about my life as an expat husband, a certain expression I've never heard before has come to my attention - 'trailing spouse'. This seems to be the prevailing term for people in my position, at least if Twitter is to be believed (which, admittedly, is a whole other discussion entirely).

I was rather surprised to see this term used. What sort of person would willingly describe themself in such a way? I certainly don't see myself as trailing behind my wife. Yes, she may be the one who's job enabled us to come here, but it was very much a joint decision. For many years now we've talked about living abroad, and it's never felt like one of us was more enthusiastic about the idea than the other.

Realistically, we knew we could only make the leap into the unknown with an income to support us, and as a teacher she is the one with the more easily transferable skills, so it became obvious that she would likely be the one who could secure an job and get us started. The dream of a new life, though, was one we shared. I'd hope that this was the case for any couple in our situation. A step this big should be taken together, hand in hand and heads held high, not with one partner following reluctantly behind the other. If you truly are a 'trailing' spouse, I'd question whether you've really made the right decision for you both.

So what term should we use? If we must apply such a label, 'accompanying spouse' seems a better fit. But to be honest, I would prefer simply 'partner', as that's how I see us - equal partners in a great adventure, regardless of our differing roles.